I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
