I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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