I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
