when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
