help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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