maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
