ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
