note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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