I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
