Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
