If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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