would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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