You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
