You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
