I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
