Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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