thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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