I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
