I heard we made out
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
