He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You need Xanax blowdarts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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