Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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