I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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