if i died would you start the facebook group?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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