Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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