i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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