i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
