how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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