i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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