My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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