turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
