i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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