Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
