Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
