Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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