Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He did a backflip because drugs
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