where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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