I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
