Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
