let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
