It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
