last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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