apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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