What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
