I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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