I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
