I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
