I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
