I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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