It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
being pregnant is like rehab
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
