my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
