I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
