Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
