It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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