yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
