i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
