chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
