When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
