If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
